Hole in One, Hole in my pocket

When I was a kid I never expected much of anything. I didn't even ask very often. One of the benefits of having to closely watch our money output has been really looking at how we spend money on our kids and the effect it's had on them.

Today was the first day of our holiday break (over two weeks!). My big plan was to go to the store and get the supplies needed to start the cookie baking extravaganza that after two days leaves me feeling a little too stuffed with sweets and like I don't want to bake again, ever. But we love to do our Christmas walk, where we give away our treats to the neighbors, so I do end up firing up the oven again each year.

I decided that before my big shopping trip I would take the kids to the mall to play Safari Putt, an indoor mini golf setup in a big room with a lot of florescent paints and loud music. It takes us about 45 minutes to play...if the kids replay holes. It costs $7 per kid, but we were lucky. Marvader had a free game from making a hole in one the last time we played there.

When we were done playing, the kids started planning what we should do next: bowling, a movie, going to Bounce Town, eating at McDonald's. Last year we would have probably celebrated the first day off of school by going to McD's or Panda Express and then going to do something else, like bowling. Who am I kidding? We probably would've gone to get a pretzel and an Icee before the mini golf then gone to McD's afterwards. Wasting money and health all at once. This time however these $15-$20+ expenditures can't just happen on such whims. I told the kids that we had just spent $$ on the mini golf and we needed to enjoy the fact that we did that, not just jump to the next thing. They didn't see it that way however... So much disappointment. On all of our parts. They, of course, wanted to go do something else, to be entertained. I was disappointed that there was so little appreciation for what we'd already done. We all went home disheartened. After lunch they got busy with their own pursuits putting puzzles together. I felt better because at least I did the right thing. Hopefully it will sink in and they will not have that feeling of entitlement, that they should just be able to do whatever, whenever.

These days I often think back to when I was in my 20s and just starting my software engineering career. I was just starting to save for the future. Spending on whimsy was just not what I did. I remember feeling guilty about buying 2 pairs of shoes when they were on sale, spending less than $60.00. I also remember the joy it gave me to wear the shoes because I did really have to think about whether they were worth it, whether I would be able to use them enough. I didn't just spend money because I had it. I didn't spend money because it was in my pocket. This is what I want for my children. Making choices makes you think about value; thinking about whether something is worth it.

I feel saddened by where our culture has gone in terms of "things". Value has been placed on quantity not quality. Cheap plastic from China, veneer instead of wood. So little attention to detail, just first impressions, presentation. As humans, we crave beauty. I like that we want beauty in our homes. Houses aren't as utilitarian as when I was a child. But our quest for beauty and form has been marred by our acceptance of low quality things. Stores like Target and Walmart don't sell much that has been made in the US. Much of the stuff looks nice, but is of such a low quality. You don't pay a lot for it so you don't really have to think hard before buying it. Our acceptance of low quality has made it hard to find the better quality goods.

I'm hopeful though that the painful lessons we're facing now might help bring back the actual thinking before buying and plowing ahead to get that thing that looks nice, but won't hold up over time. I'm glad to be forced to use some discipline in my own spending. I think it will help my kids be more like I was when I was younger. I hope so at least.