You say you want a resolution, well you know, we all want to change our waistlines

This year, 2008, is reaching it's resolution; it's conclusion, such that it is. It's time to review, in high-def resolution, in great detail, how this year has gone, and resolve to make changes that will make the coming year better if I act with firm resolve.

My husband doesn't believe in making New Year's resolutions. My mom doesn't either. A lot of people don't. My husband thinks making this list at the end of one year, before another one starts is arbitrary. Much like buying Christmas presents just because it's Christmas rather than because you saw something right then, right now that you'd like to give to a particular somebody. On this point I agree. That's why I tend to make resolutions on a daily or weekly basis rather than once a year. And they aren't always the same ones, either. Except for that pesky lose weight, exercise more one.

But I'm a navel gazer. I can get mired in thinking about stuff. I think about why things are the way the are. How I would like to change certain things in my approach to life or my behavior. So it's easy for me to make a list of things I resolve to change. And I think that it's important to be introspective. But it's not enough; or is it that it's too much? At some point I need the Dr. Phil moment. Move, do it, just DO it. Because my brain so often gets in the way. I have so many fears, many directly a consequence of my self-consciousness, that wall me in. (I know this because I think about my SELF a lot.)

Today, the N and I were at the ice skating rink. I don't ice skate. Not without being very close to the wall. I fear falling, as I should. A hit in the head is the last thing I need. My first instinct was to tell N to have fun skating while I watched and read my book. That's what I've done in the past. But the N really wanted me to skate too. So I decided that I would join him on the ice (having kids helps people like me let go of some of that self-consciousness because we have to put them above ourselves). Once out there I was reminded just how slippery it is on ice when you are standing on a set of narrow blades. Moving makes it worse! Every move I made was against my instinct to say "This isn't for me. I'm going to sit down." Back where it's safe. But I stayed out there. Where it's slippery. Where falling would really hurt. And I let go of the wall a few times to pass the kids who were just learning to ice skate and who next week will fly right around me because they learned to let go of the fear and slide, skimming along the ice.

So my resolution this year is more of the same. Let go of the wall sometimes. It'll still be there when you need it.

The View from my Porch

Our family is one of the lucky ones. In our neighborhood of densely packed homes, even though there are several 14'ers within view when in open space, most of the homes don't have much of a view of the mountains from their porches or living rooms. Since we have a small field in front of our house we aren't quite as closed in. I changed my blog header to include a photo I took from my front porch (Okay, I did zoom quite a bit! And yes...there are roof tops of other homes at the bottom of the picture, but...isn't it beautiful anyway?).

I also considered changing my blog to be named "The View from My Porch", but decided it really wasn't that much different in meaning than what I currently have - and changing at this point is more of a hassle than it is worth!

Law of Reciprocity

Reciprocity, you scratch my back I'll scratch yours, hand in hand, yin to yang, returning the favor, is usually a good thing. It's nice as humans that if someone does something nice to you then you turn around and do something nice back. It's interaction at it's best. Sometimes however it's just too much.

Every year, like a lot of people, I like to bake holiday treats. I spend two days or so baking up lots of sweets that we like to eat. I bake and bake until I don't want to bake anymore. Sometimes we even make fudge and buckeyes which aren't baking, but making.

Anyway we have a tradition of putting together plates or bags of these things along with some other stuff like cocoa, tea, microwave popcorn bags (we are a houseful of cub scouts after all!). We go out after dinner one evening, bundled up into the cold, to deliver the goodies to some of our neighbors. It's our Christmas walk. We do this because we enjoy it and I like to bake more than we can eat!

But...within the next few days we get holiday stuff from some of our neighbors. Now this is nice and all, but I always wonder if it's because they feel the need to match us. To play the reciprocity game. I take on a bit of guilt because I don't want someone to feel pressured to reciprocate. It's an odd thing to dwell on, I know. But I do feel this twinge of discomfort because by starting the interaction I've possibly set in motion some sort of requirement for someone else. This is not the intended result!

A similar thing happened a couple of weeks ago. We had a little snow storm resulting in a powdering of snow on our driveways. My kids, for fun, decided to go outside and sweep and shovel our driveway and the driveways of some of our neighbors. After having finished several driveways our next door neighbor decided to reward the kids with $3 each. While that was sweet, it completely changed how my kids viewed their endeavor. All of a sudden it was a money making scheme...a way to earn the money for a Lego Death Star, rather than the act of kindness it all started out as.

It's hard sometimes to let it go. I know that I too feel the need to reciprocate when someone does something for me. Sometimes it's appropriate. Sometimes it's enough to say thank you.

I've decided that next year we'll do things just a bit differently. Instead of the Christmas walk where we give out our goody bags with our Christmas card in it we're going to elf people. Not that um...weird online thing people do with the dancing elves and their own pictures. This will be like ghosting someone at Halloween, ding dong ditch leaving treats behind, but with Christmas goodies. A new tradition.

Where is the snow?

I am more like a child when it comes to snow than my children are. I want it to snow. I feel cheated when snow is in the forecast then doesn't materialize, like today! It's not that I want to play in the snow, although a good sledding day is fun too. I just like the feeling of comfort I get when I know it's frigid outside and I'm inside sipping coffee, toasty warm, by my little gas fireplace.

I like seeing the snow cloud coming over the mountains and enveloping us in its cold embrace. I'll sit and watch the flakes come down, collecting into a white, shiny, blanket that in a day or two will be a sliding rink for my kids. I still like to watch the snow dance it's way to the ground. I like the big, fat, fluttering flakes that take their time on the way down. They'll get there soon enough.

We went caroling last night, the second annual caroling party hosted by friends. The night before that we did our annual Christmas walk where we bundle up and take bags of goodies to our neighbors.

Coming back inside, smelling the pine of our tree, as my feet start to thaw, before I go to warm the milk for the hot chocolate, I feel like I have it all. And in those moments, I do.

Wii Three Boys Would love a Wii

Our kids are not deprived by any means. They have stuff. Loads of stuff. They actually love stuff. More than the Mommy loves the stuff. What they don't have is the Wii. Our house is Wii-less. My husband is not a fan of the Wii (although when the N was taking care of the dog of the neighbors with the Wii, who offered to let him play the Wii while he was with the dog), this husband of mine seemed to have a lot of fun playing Wii golf with the Wii and the N. I like the Wii because when the boys are done playing the Wii they are inspired to go do whatever they were playing on the Wii "for real". I also like the Wii along with Wii fit because I would love to setup a fitness competition in our family. We'll do it anyway, but the Wii would help inspire the wee-ones. That and snowboarding with Shaun White which I've heard is just not fun without the wii fit balance board.

So...I'm playing for a Wii...

http://www.milehighmamas.com/2008/12/14/enter-to-win-mile-high-mamas-wii-and-wii-fit-giveaway/

Hole in One, Hole in my pocket

When I was a kid I never expected much of anything. I didn't even ask very often. One of the benefits of having to closely watch our money output has been really looking at how we spend money on our kids and the effect it's had on them.

Today was the first day of our holiday break (over two weeks!). My big plan was to go to the store and get the supplies needed to start the cookie baking extravaganza that after two days leaves me feeling a little too stuffed with sweets and like I don't want to bake again, ever. But we love to do our Christmas walk, where we give away our treats to the neighbors, so I do end up firing up the oven again each year.

I decided that before my big shopping trip I would take the kids to the mall to play Safari Putt, an indoor mini golf setup in a big room with a lot of florescent paints and loud music. It takes us about 45 minutes to play...if the kids replay holes. It costs $7 per kid, but we were lucky. Marvader had a free game from making a hole in one the last time we played there.

When we were done playing, the kids started planning what we should do next: bowling, a movie, going to Bounce Town, eating at McDonald's. Last year we would have probably celebrated the first day off of school by going to McD's or Panda Express and then going to do something else, like bowling. Who am I kidding? We probably would've gone to get a pretzel and an Icee before the mini golf then gone to McD's afterwards. Wasting money and health all at once. This time however these $15-$20+ expenditures can't just happen on such whims. I told the kids that we had just spent $$ on the mini golf and we needed to enjoy the fact that we did that, not just jump to the next thing. They didn't see it that way however... So much disappointment. On all of our parts. They, of course, wanted to go do something else, to be entertained. I was disappointed that there was so little appreciation for what we'd already done. We all went home disheartened. After lunch they got busy with their own pursuits putting puzzles together. I felt better because at least I did the right thing. Hopefully it will sink in and they will not have that feeling of entitlement, that they should just be able to do whatever, whenever.

These days I often think back to when I was in my 20s and just starting my software engineering career. I was just starting to save for the future. Spending on whimsy was just not what I did. I remember feeling guilty about buying 2 pairs of shoes when they were on sale, spending less than $60.00. I also remember the joy it gave me to wear the shoes because I did really have to think about whether they were worth it, whether I would be able to use them enough. I didn't just spend money because I had it. I didn't spend money because it was in my pocket. This is what I want for my children. Making choices makes you think about value; thinking about whether something is worth it.

I feel saddened by where our culture has gone in terms of "things". Value has been placed on quantity not quality. Cheap plastic from China, veneer instead of wood. So little attention to detail, just first impressions, presentation. As humans, we crave beauty. I like that we want beauty in our homes. Houses aren't as utilitarian as when I was a child. But our quest for beauty and form has been marred by our acceptance of low quality things. Stores like Target and Walmart don't sell much that has been made in the US. Much of the stuff looks nice, but is of such a low quality. You don't pay a lot for it so you don't really have to think hard before buying it. Our acceptance of low quality has made it hard to find the better quality goods.

I'm hopeful though that the painful lessons we're facing now might help bring back the actual thinking before buying and plowing ahead to get that thing that looks nice, but won't hold up over time. I'm glad to be forced to use some discipline in my own spending. I think it will help my kids be more like I was when I was younger. I hope so at least.