Where Did It Go?

It wasn't that long ago...really it wasn't...when I was anxiously awaiting the birth of my baby. Since he decided to enter the world sideways my doctor and I agreed he'd come out via surgery a couple of weeks before his (although at the time we didn't know that) due date. It's a Nick (as opposed to It's a Rachel)!

He was born on President's Day (I remember the anesthesiologist complaining about not getting the day off). We get to celebrate it that way again this year. No school! No work! After surviving the having the other 6 boys in our little house Saturday, we'll have the rest of the weekend together as a family with no obligations beyond my obligation to myself to train for my 1/2 in March.

We're doing it a bit differently this year. Store bought cake for the party. Pizza. Movies and video games, probably a nerf battle or two. We'll be upstairs hanging with the little boys. It won't be quiet, but it will be simple.

11. Almost in middle school. He seems big and small all at the same time. Still trying to figure out what to do with the extra emotion when he misses the 3 point shot at the end of a tight game. Filling the house with Clair de Lune piano solos at different moments of the day. He is a treasure. He amazes me with what he knows, and with what he doesn't. It goes just about every way every day.

I suppose it won't be long until I am writing about my soon to be high schooler, my college boy,... But for now just let me live in the moment, this moment, the best one yet. Until the next one.

Head Above Water

I'm finally doing something I haven't done in a long, long time. Not just writing a blog entry. I'm sitting on the sofa watching The Barefoot Contessa make granola. Or granola bars. Not sure but they look good. I used to spend a lot more time watching people cook on the Food Network. Then it was too much time. I could watch Giada, Rachel, this barefoot lady and an hour and a half would be shot. But today it's a treat.

Before I got my job I had signed up for 2 programming classes in the hopes of getting my skills up to date. I was half way through when the job came up so it didn't feel right to just give them up, so life was incredibly busy until mid-December when the classes were finally over. Between homework and trying to keep up my running I didn't have much time for anything else on the weekends. I would like to see my kids sometime!

It was a relief when those classes were over, but Christmas was only 10 days away. We had a great Christmas season, but somehow we ended up with more parties to go to rather than less, so there was more to do than normal - a few more cookies and appetizers to make. Most of my shopping was by click or at Target. Good thing they donate money to our school!

I don't get much time off. Just the market holidays. It's strange to be rationing 3 weeks of vacation time when I'm so used to having freedom. It feels like I'm getting a very small allowance that I have to be very careful with. Very big adjustment.

My first few weeks of working were hard in many ways. The job itself is pretty stressful, confusing, and is the epitome of the craziness created by humans. I mean really... why are stock symbols so complicated. Why does data come from so many different places over so many different lines. It sounded so simple, but is overly complicated. So in some ways I think that the fact the job exists is just plain silly. And yet it made my head hurt things were so complicated. I'm finally getting it though, so I don't dread going in each day. And the time flies because we're so busy. But I've been putting in extra hours trying to come up to speed, so the weekdays are pretty tough. I've had to cut back a little on the running since it turns out I don't like to run at night that much. But I still get about 18-20 miles in a week along with a couple of exercise classes. I feel like I have to jealously guard my exercise time because it's easy to feel like taking that time is selfish. It's NOT! But it does impact the sleeping in on weekends.

Today I finally got to sleep in. It felt so good not to be jarred awake even though my zen alarm isn't as jarring as some. Then a yummy bacon, pancake, and waffle breakfast with the family, who I don't usually see until 6pm. Along with my latte in my at-home cup (no travel cup today!) and it was a nice start to a holiday day off! The R asked if I wanted to do anything today and my answer..."I'm doing it!"

Well...Sandra Lee is making some slow cooker recipes. That means I've probably been parked on the couch just a little too long!

Where Will I Find The Time?

Apparently I know more than I thought. That phone interview that I thought went poorly led to an office interview, that led to another interview with a founder, which was really just a check that needed to be checked off, that led to an offer being made on the spot, which leads to me starting work on Monday. Yikes.

I'm exciting about it, very excited, but anxious, pretty anxious. It has been 10+ years since I've had a job where I had to go into an office, work all day, go home, sleep, then get up the next day and do it again, repeat, repeat, repeat,...

I tell myself that people do this all the time, and more importantly there are moms that do this all the time. Moms who work and do marathons and triatholons. I just haven't been one of them. Until now. So I'm busy this week trying to shuffle things around. I can't go into the kids' classes anymore so I've let that go. I'm trying to arrange one day a month that I can leave work a little early so I can get to the kids' school to run PTO Board meeting. It helps when the president is actually at the meetings. I've bought a reflective vest so I can run either early am or evenings, depending on how it works best for me. I've arranged for after school care for the kids until the R's classes end in December. Things are falling into place. I just hope that my mind can wrap itself around the work once I actually start. All of that work stuff is still in my brain. I just hope it can be accessed in a timely fashion when I need it!

The HR woman told me they were excited about me. Like kids in a candy store. I thought...uh oh! What are they expecting? The idea of being a disappointment worries me. Although...that probably motivates me to work hard and probably always has. Making me less likely to disappoint.

I've never held a real job while having kids. Our lives will be changing oh so much. We're going to have to work though it because given our family temperament it won't be easy and I'm not willing to compromise any more on the level of cleanliness we live in. I've already gone down to my limit! So my goal is to make it easy for them to make me happy. We'll see how that works out. We'll see how it all works out. I expect that in a few months we'll be settled on this new path. It just may be a little bit rockier than the trail we were on and we'll have to adjust our steps and watch out for those bigger rocks. In the long run, it will be good for us. All of us.

Apparently the More I Live The Less I Know

Otherwise known as the SQL-cursor-what-the-heck-is-that-moment.

In a life before I had kids I was a computer programmer. I typed cryptic words into files, compiled them, then things magically happened on computers. It was fun. I knew what I was doing. It made sense. At the time.

I had a phone interview today. It seemed like it would be promising. After all I've written thousands of lines, yes, thousands, of SQL code in my day. I remember doing it. I can even remember some of it. However during the interview I was asked to tell the woman a good thing and a bad thing about SQL cursors. Had I used them, she asked. Well...I have...but....I couldn't remember a damn thing about them. And I had to fess up, that it had been a long time since I used them that I didn't really remember them. Arrrggg... I would've been better off if I just said that I never used them because they aren't so hot as it turns out. After the interview I googled SQL cursors, looked at a few examples, and realized that I'd definitely seen them, but probably hadn't coded them myself. I was pretty sure I remembered who had used them and that they had used them quite frequently. There are a lot of things in my brain like that, work things. Things I knew. Things I can remember and pick up again very quickly if need be. But they are lurking there like distant memories and not very useful during an interview.

select * from current_life, old_life

where current_life.knowledge = old_life.skill

group by memories, age

Hopefully the result isn't null.

Pregnancy hormone leads to weight loss?

Initially when I first heard about the hcg diet it made no sense to me. I do NOT lose weight while pregnant, even in the earliest stages. The baseball moms were whispering about this diet that someone was trying...you spray hcg under your tongue 2 or 3 times a day, ingest 500 calories of food (very defined food list and schedule) and experience significant weight loss fairly quickly. The argument about using the hcg in addition to the low calorie diet was that the hcg made your body act like it's pregnant and forces it to go to the fat to get calories you are deficient in rather than getting it from the muscle. Supposedly it helps get rid of that deep seated fat and continues to amp you up like you have ingested 1500 calories.

Now several moms have tried it and have had pretty good success. I think several have used an appetite suppressant which helps them deal with the only 500 CALORIES a day. Ultimately I think they've been pleased by the results.

Last week one of my running friends mentioned that she was considering this diet. Of course this isn't something you can do and actually run or do much exercise while doing it. It just got to me that apparently this diet (which has actually been around for years) is burning like a wildfire around the women I know here.

But here is my problem with it...beside the fact that it's only 500 calories! For me at least my food issues aren't just the overeating or the eating of the sweets. For me it's the place food occupies in my life. It's a main focus. I love food. I like the taste. I like the texture. I like the colors. I love how I feel sitting on my sofa with an cupful of soup or chili and a piece of fresh sourdough bread. It is just so pleasing to me. I watch the Food Network for crying out loud! And enjoying food isn't a really a problem. It's one of those things that separates us from the other animals. It's art that you can eat.

The danger is when you aren't actually savoring the food, but just mindlessly putting in your mouth, chewing, and swallowing without real recognition of the flavors. It's having my hand in a bowl of m&ms, grabbing about 10, popping them in my mouth, while I'm reading, and not really tasting the chocolate and crunchy candy shell, then grabbing another 10, repeat until the bowl is empty.

Sometimes diets since they are restrictive and you don't just sit there and eat and eat and eat, do allow you to regain that appreciation of foods' flavors. And that's great because appreciating the flavor of the orange is what it's all about.

The problem with diets, though, is they can feed the food obsession. I can become even more obsessed with food while on a diet because it's the charting, the planning, the weighing , the counting, .... Again it's all about food. Food, food, food. I've seen the pattern in myself several times. I've lost lots of weight on Weight Watchers many times. I've gained it back too.

What I'm trying now is to just let it happen. I'm certainly more motivated to lose some weight because with all of the work I'm doing physically I don't want it to be for naught. I've just naturally been doing better with grabbing a handful of grapes rather than a couple of cookies. I do think about it of course, as I make my choices. I'm trying to avoid the whole total immersion into a food plan thing, though. I don't think it solves my food problems even though it makes me look better for a year or two.

This winter will be a test of my resolve, though. Watch me tout the beauty of hcg under the tongue come January!

New Shoes for Me

There are days these days when it's all about me. You don't hear moms who can say that very often. And really, it's not completely accurate. But hey...there are moments in those days when it is about ME.

I started running a year or so ago because I could run 3 miles a little faster than I could walk 3 miles. That allowed me to exercise then go on with the rest of my day which was at that time about everyone else and what they needed. I picked running because I could then do all of the other things I needed to do and still squeeze in that time for myself without sacrificing anyone else.

It changed about 8 weeks ago though when I decided to train to do a half marathon. Half marathons are 13.1 miles which takes most of us two or more hours to do. In my case way more than 2 hours to do, but I'll get to that later.

So this training starts to add up. My short runs shot up to an hour long instead of the half hour. I had to add a long run to the routine and that took at least 2 hours. There is a good 4-6 hours of ME running. I also became more known to people around here as a runner, so when a boot camp class was scheduled I was on the email list. And I joined. So that added 2 evenings a week at an hour and a half each to my "training". See...it's becoming more and more about ME. MY. I.

Before my boot camp class I would make sure that the crockpot was cooking something savory and yummy. That salad was made. That there was sourdough bread to be served. And then...off I went. The R actually served the meal. I would come home dripping in sweat, desperately seeking a shower, after which I'd get into my jammies (see where this is going?), scoop some savory crocked food into a bowl, slice and butter a piece of bread and hunker down for my dinner. So this hour and a half becomes closer to 2 and a half hours that are all about ME. Because I also selected the tv show to watch while I ate. I. am. so. selfish!

I don't feel that it's all about me while I'm running or being booted around. It's hard, hard, work. I've never put myself through anything as difficult physically. I'm just not that type. The boot camp is great for me because I do not set the pace. My body feels like it's really been used once it's over. Part of the high is seeing that I can meet these challenges; it's not completely endorphins, though those help! Once the run is done, I can feel what I've done for MYself.

This all about me thing can be pretty good. We all need to put ourselves at the top of the list sometime. Some families are better about cherishing everyone in the family I suppose. Before the half marathon I did last weekend, the other women, their families, and my family got together for a pre-race pasta dinner. One of the women has done it for most of her big races. One of the daughers, just a year younger than the N, gave each of us ladies a chocolate truffle and a note of encouragement. Something to the effect of "You go, girl!". Never in a million years would that occur to my family.

The next morning, on our pre-sunrise ride up, one woman (the one with the lovely truffle daughter) talked about the notes her kids wrote and left out for her over night. One of the other moms talked about the little recorded notes her kids had put onto her ipod. It made me realize that my running was something that I just kept in a seperate box from my family. They weren't that aware of it since I tend to run before most of the household has gotten up. The N is really the only one who thinks to talk to me about it and his comments are mainly about my time goals. And not necessarily in a good way (like if I miss a goal by a couple of minutes he'll harp on it!) Maybe part of it is that I have all boys and a husband who is pretty blunt.

A lot of the encouragement I receive is from other women...and it is that typical girlie talk about "you can do it", "you are so ready",... You know, the kind of superficial, nice talk that is kind, but not really specifically about me and my skill level. I did have one woman tell me how "proud" she was of me, which I took as a misuse of the word proud. I can't imagine anyone but me being proud of me.

It was nice when we crossed the finish line (the slower 2 of us) and the other 2 women were cheering us on. It was nice to be seen and recognized. Usually I run alone, cross the line alone, get my water alone, use the toilet, then drive home alone. And since they were so rested, being so much faster and all, they were able to help get water, since I had completely lost my breath sprinting to the finish once I finally (and believe me I was so thrilled to finally see it!) saw the timing clock : 02:32:46. Our marathon training friends had finished in less than 2 hours (01:57 and 01:59). They knew we needed some help! We had both had some foot issues during the run so it was nice to be able to sit and catch our breath. It's nice to have someone who understands why we're mad at our damn shoe because it feels like there is a rock in there when there isn't.

I didn't feel bad though that my family didn't focus more on what I've been doing. I've kept it to myself in a way. I don't make a big deal about it or talk about it alot. It MY thing. But it was also nice to share it with a few other women who made it THEIR thing, too.

And to my marathon training friends "You can do it! You are so ready!" And I so mean it!

Don't Sweat the Sweat!

I've always been embarrassed by how much I sweat. Other women could aerobicize without even a glisten, but I'd be dripping, desperate for a towel.

While running, the sweat does it's job. I'm not aware of dripping while in forward motion. It's once I stop that it literally pours out of my pores. My kids no longer dive at me when I return from a run. "Ewwwww, you're wet!" is what I hear as I run upstairs for my shower.

But it's been the classes I've been taking recently that has made me become comfortable in my sweat. The women, all younger and fitter than I, sweat. Seriously sweat. Our instructor drips sweat. All over her cute outfits. She works us hard. We all sweat. It's a good thing. It's a sign that we're working and getting something out of it.

So get your sweat on!